its monday and im okay

something Big has come...

and gone.

It was my Daddy.

So many things have occurred in the past month that my head hasn't stopped spinning. 

I turned 30. I finally became an adult (in my head. lol) and it seems just in time because less than one month later my Daddy passed away. Suddenly, and in his sleep. Unexpectedly, only because he has been doing so well recently.

What am I feeling now... Hmm. I don't feel angry, because I was lucky enough to have him in my life for 30 years! Like my mom keeps saying, we got the very best of him. I feel sadness, almost all the time because I miss him so much. I miss his voice, his hugs, the way he called me JJ. I feel proud of the amazing life he led, and all of his accomplishments, both serving in the air force and sherriffs department, but also of the man of Christ that he became. Believe me, it is my faith, and my assurance that I will one day be reunited with him that has helped me get through alot of this. I feel concerned for my mother, who lost her very best friend. I feel a responsibility to my Daddy to take care of my mother, and my sister (and when I get around to it, myself). I feel heartbreak watching my mother go through this unbearable pain and I feel helpless not to help ease it or take it away. I still talk to my dad, at his house, in my head, as if he is sitting right next to me. I haven't felt the pain in my heart yet, the pain of loss. I am probably guarding myself, I am probably keeping busy making sure Mom and Lisa are okay. I'm letting my own life and the people and things in them distract me from going through the pain of loss. But I know I will, one day. Right now I am still... numb.

I've cried. I've bawled. But I'm quick to pull up my bootstraps because there is business to take care of. Paperwork to do, people to care for. 

I want you to know that I am okay. Right now, I am okay. I had the most amazing Dad that anyone could ask for. I am so incredibly grateful to God for giving him to me. He was mine! So grateful that I can feel it all throughout my heart. Prayers are always appreciated! I believe in the power of prayer more now than ever before. I know that I am a changed woman. I don't know exactly how, just yet. That's going to take a while. But all I can say right now, is that I am going to do the very best I can, every day. One day life will get easier, I won't have to remind myself to do certain things (like brush my teeth, lol). And I apologize in advance if I repeat myself here, or post or talk about my dad. Just bear with me, I am sure it's all part of the process.

Thank you everyone who have shared your love and support with me. The emails, the text messages, the comments here and on fb... I don't feel alone. Thank You!

To Terry, Love Rosalie

My parents had the greatest love story that I was lucky enough to experience personally in my life. This slideshow is my moms farewell to my daddy. 

Memorial Services

Memorial Service for

Ret. Lt. William Terry Carlton

will be held on

Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 11am

Rose Hills Mortuary

in Whittier, CA

Family and Friends gathering to follow at

The Coen Home

in Upland, CA

Please Call 623-986-9060 for additional information



September 15, 2010. The day my life has changed. Forever.

Daddy went home to be with the Lord this morning.

September 15, 2010 6:13am

I'll post my feeling later. Please allow me my time to take care of arrangements and grieve. Your prayers for me and my family are greatly appreciated.

Daddy... You are my Sunshine. My only Sunshine.

its tuesday. and i'm already tired.

i can't believe it. i was so ready to take on this week, and yesterday afternoon beat me down.

i had the usual houseful of kids (mine and my sisters) no biggie, except every single one of them didn't turn their ears on apparently, and simply wouldn't listen. grrr.

 it was monday madness at hungry howies, so i picked up two pizzas (only i ate four pieces like a hefer, lol). and then the fun began...

have i mentioned my sisters two little ones had the flu last week? 

well, my bubba got it, and was puking up a storm all night. fun times. (mom, you and dad can't come over or be around these kids for a few days, until i lysol everything... including the children. lol)

i had to be into work at 730am (so i had to leave the house at 630am) due to my own idiocy. when i got here i had a major accounting error to find (still working on that, actually taking a mental break to blog).

(credit)

I've decided that I'm not going to let life's little struggles get me down.

No stress. No worries. 

I GOT THIS!

So... onto some fun stuff...

DAY FOURTEEN : A PICTURE OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

Okay, apparently I misread day eleven and thought that was for family, so please refer to that pic. lol

If you have the time, click HERE... this is something I came across, and it just really made me feel good and opened my eyes. I love Kind Over Matter... makes my heart smile. If you don't yet, you should definietly follow it.

And lastly... GIVEAWAYS!!
GIVEAWAY ONE : If you have a blog and are looking for a makeover... enter This Give-A-Way to win a blog makeover!! How fun would that be if you won!! Tell her Jen sent ya! hehe (btw, this is the same girlie that heads up the 30 days... shes a sweetie pie!)
GIVEAWAY TWO : Go over HERE for your chance to win these goodies:

Make it a super awesome day party people! I will!!

monday funday, sorta?

How was your weekend??

Mine was great, thanks for asking. lol

Got to watch lots of football (my absolute favorite)

(source)

And, got to watch a live (instead of TiVo'd) episode of Mad Men

Did you see it?? What is with Joan! The elevator scene, with Peggy? Holy crow! I mean, I get it, but I don't get it. Eeek! I think, so far this season (4, already, can you believe it!) my favorite moment happened last episode...

Wow, right?

Moving on, lets catch up on 

DAY ELEVEN : ANOTHER PICTURE OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

DAY TWELVE : HOW YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY AND WHY YOU DO IT

I started (like everyone else) about 13 years ago scrapbooking, and I self-taught myself by (what was big at the time) Creative Memories-style. I don't scrapbook nearly as much (I'm good to get a few layouts done a year, lol) but scrapbooking has opened up so many other creative doors, and allowed me to meet so many amazing people.

DAY THIRTEEN : A LETTER TO SOMEONE WHO HAS HURT YOU RECENTLY

Really! This can't be serious!... Here's the thing, when I get hurt, I get mad. I like to think that nothing can hurt me because I am a strong woman, and for something to hurt me would be like admitting defeat. It is certainly not something I do in public, so I choose not to participate in this one. However, I will say that when I have been hurt, I usually take to writing a letter to that person about how I feel. If I can't write to that person, then I journal. The easiest way to release my feelings is by putting them down on paper. Very theraputic, I think.

Allrighty then... I'm off to enjoy the rest of my Monday... here is some photo love from WeHeartIt.com before I go...

wedding love

So... it's no secret that I am in love with weddings. In a perfect world, I would be a wedding planner and spend all my time and energy making the 'perfect day' even perfecter (yup. I just made up that word. lol)

I thought I'd share some weddings that I am in love with right now.

French Forest Wedding found at Once Wed

coture louboutin found at kiss the groom (um, yes please... i would kill for these shoes)

Real Wedding : Dottie & Jordan found at Snippet and Ink

september tenth, already!

Where did the time go! Eek!

- Today is my sweet daughter's 12th birthday! We gave her a cell phone. That's kind of a big deal right now.

Missing Days...

DAY FOUR : A HABIT THAT YOU WISH YOU DIDN'T HAVE

Biting my nails

DAY FIVE : A PICTURE OF SOMEWHERE YOU'VE BEEN

Hanalei Bay, Kauai

DAY SIX : FAVORITE SUPERHERO AND WHY

Batman. Because Michael Keaton makes him look so sexy.

DAY SEVEN : A PICTURE OF SOMEONE OR SOMETHING THAT HAS THE BIGGEST IMPACT ON YOU

DAY EIGHT : SHORT TERM GOALS FOR THIS MONTH AND WHY

My only goal is to make sure I keep it all together this month. lol. With the hubs out hunting for half the month, my parents on a well-deserved vaca, and my sista headed out to CA for work training (for three weeks) that leaves me as the big chief in charge of five little indians. While I would absolutely love some ME time at the gym, I'll be good to settle for not pulling all my hair out and making it out alive after this month. lol

DAY NINE : SOMETHING THAT YOU'RE PROUD OF IN THE PAST FEW DAYS

Making it a whole 4 days without spoiling my daughter with her birthday gift. Not even any hints! hehe

DAY TEN : SONGS YOU LISTEN TO WHEN YOU ARE HAPPY, SAD, BORED, HYPED, MAD

happy - Gwen Stefani, Lenka, Meaghan Smith

sad - Adele, Michael Buble, Harry Connick Jr.

bored - Maroon 5, Frank Sinatra (both good background music)

hyped - Kanye West, Paramore, old school hip hop

mad - eminem, linkyn park, staind

Be on the lookout for some posting this weekend, you know, since I'm at home with the team. I'll need a computer break every once in a while. lol

xoxo

SEPTEMBER 3

DAY THREE : A PICTURE OF YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS

(left to right: Lisa, Caroline, Jenn, Corrin, Me, Sista Lisa, Jess, Sharon, Steph)

Can you believe it is already the first weekend in September!

Can you believe it's already Labor Day weekend!

Can you believe I am leaving town! hehe. Yay for me! 

The party hasn't ended. Every other year we head back home to SoCal where my always creative MIL puts on a fun and festive beach-themed Labor Day party (her backyard is a beach... I'll share pics) and this year she has invited my extended family (remember, I have a mexican family... looooots of people. lol) and we are celebrating my 30th birthday with them. It will be fun, and I can't wait to see my aunts and uncles that I haven't seen in so long! So exciting! No worries, I'll share pics!

In sadder news, my training sessions (with my personal trainer) have come to a close, after 6 months. I was sad, and I did cry (big baby bop over here, lol) but I had a really great last work out (even the running part) thanks to Dustin. And I can't wait to get started on my own. It is a new and exciting (and a little scary) venture, but I am certainly up for the challenge. (I'll post an update blog post on how all that is going).

Til then, I wish you a wonderful Labor Day weekend. Enjoy the days. 

I'll leave you with this:

*credit

I don't know why, but I just love this photo. Looks like fun. xoxo

SEPTEMBER 2

DAY TWO : THE MEANING BEHIND YOUR BLOG NAME

read here

SEPTEMBER 1

I am overly excited about it finally being September. August was filled with excitement over my birthday, and every month previous had been leading up to that date. 

Now. I feel like I can breathe. No lingering 'doom day'. No more anticipation, or expectations. Just, breathing.

September brings hope that Fall is near (do you say Fall, or Autumn) and that this heat will soon (God willing) be over! This summer really stuck it to me and I can't wait to finally enjoy a nice warm cup of Pumpkin Spice Latte on a cool and crisp morning. 

I know alot of my bloggy friends make to-do lists on the first day of the month, and I love me a good to-do list. So, I thought I'd give it a go... you know, with the new season (of life, and of weather. lol)

*Buy Courtney's Birthday Gift

*Plan Birthday for Sissy

*Girl Scout Meeting 9.2.10

*Register Me & Sissy for GS

*Get Paul's hunt schedule & location

*Get Mom & Dads travel schedule

*Get Lisa's work schedule

*Keep up on ALL (4) kids homework daily!

*Take at least one day off from work for a personal day

*Make list of questions for dr appt

*Mail thank you cards

*Cardio and/or Class every day

*Girls night with Jess 9.18.10

*Take Sissy to see Eclipse

*See Eat Pray Love

*Keep up with the new 30 Days

*Create something (anything) crafty

*Try a new recipe

Whew, that was longer than I expected. And I am sure there are many things I am forgetting. But no worries, I got this! lol

So, lets see here... I mentioned the new 30 Days... let's get it started! Wanna play? Lemme know, I'd LOVE to see your answers! hehe

DAY ONE : A RECENT PICTURE OF YOU AND 15 INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT YOU

Well, this didn't start off exactly easy-peasy. lol. Okay. Here goes...

1. i love sprinkles cupcakes (especially the red velvet)

2. i pretty much make my own hours at work, and i really love that

3. Sedona is my happy place. I 'found myself' there a few years back, and have never looked back.

4. i miss SoCal but would never live there again. maybe if i had enough $ to buy a vaca home at the beach. lol

5. i have more than one best friend. and i don't think there is anything wrong with that. they are all my besties in different ways.

6. i was sexually abused when i was little. and that is all i will say about that.

7. i can not keep plants alive in my house. i kill them all, except one... bamboo. lol

8. i am not a 'pets person' but i absolutely love my dog.

9. shoe shopping is my favorite kind of shopping.

10. i would love to be a party planner like Amy Atlas.

11. when i was little i used to talk to my stuffed animal dog, sugar, about all my problems. i still sometimes talk to things when i have problems.

12. i have a bad habit of road rage (cursing, cutting off, brake-checking,etc.) i'm not proud. i'm working on it.

13. my two big toenails are acrylic. lol. weird, i know. but they look good! hehe

14. i get tired of decor rather quickly. like when i redid my family room, i liked it for about 6 months. then i was already ready to change it.

15. i really enjoy organizing pantrys and refrigerators. lol

That was kinds hard. hmm. Now you try!! 

Have a super fantastic first day or September! Yay!