shopping spree

As I hinted in previous posts, I've had a rough year (actually a rough almost two years). So many changes have occurred in my life, and I do not do change very well. I have struggled more than I'd like to admit to myself or anyone else. I've had good days and bad days, and then really terrible horrible days. But through it all, I've gotten up and faced the day and its challenges. I have worked hard, incredibly hard. That is something I am proud of; it's something that makes me feel like I'm making my Dad proud, I'm keeping my promises to him and staying on that grind. 

Well, suffice to say that I've worked myself right into a bit of a run down. Stress and tears and heartbreak and pain and worry and all those negative feelings that I just don't do well with took over and it was like hitting a brick wall. I literally was on my knees praying for some help. 

And then, this happened.


I was given two mandatory days off of work, and told to go shopping and spend some money on myself (something I very rarely do). I called my Mama, and to the shopping malls we went.

No alarm clocks, no schedule, no worries or stresses or heartache. Just pure Me time. Talk about prayers answered!! What a blessing! 


I really struggled to post about this. I don't mean to come across gloating or righteous in any way. I want this to be an acknowledgement to those who don't understand or don't believe, Prayer works! I wholeheartedly believe that. Prayer for something simple, or something extraordinary and everything in between. God is absolutely listening. He knows each of our desires and our needs. It takes a faithful person to trust Him, and I do. 

Forgiveness


I am a lover. I love people. I love to love people. I love so deeply, especially my family, and those friends who I consider family. Being such a deep lover unfortunately leaves you susceptible to deep hurt and deep pain. And that, my friends, is the wave I've been riding for some time now.

It's heartbreaking when someone you've given your life to causes you pain. It's almost unbearable. But when it becomes more than one person causing you such pain, for completely different reasons, it absolutely is unbearable. You wake up in a dark depression that makes you wonder what the point of getting up is. You question every decision you ever made in your relationship with these people; you even begin to question your own self-deciding abilities. Ie, if more than one person has caused me this pain, maybe I am the problem, not them. So guilt just smears an ugly layer on top of that depression sealing your ability to see any light in the day, let alone breathe. It's been dark my friends. It's been gut wrenching and soul searching bad. It's been a very long few months. 

Per usual, I turned to my coping techniques, and I barricaded myself, until I became uncomfortable.  And just like the other hellish holes of depression I've been in, I began to see light. I began to seek light. I knew that a change needed to happen. I needed to find the strength to change. So that is where I currently am. 

I know that I can not change the past, I can not change the things that have happened to cause me this pain, nor can I control it. All I can do is wake up each day, make the best decisions I can, pray, and seek the light. 

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. -John 14:27

Currently : February

Eating: So, I started a new meal plan with my new gym. After being 100% Paleo 80% of the time... for the past 3 years, I am now eating.... drumroll... carbs!! As in Brown and White Rice and even better, Steep Cut Oats. Yassss!! I'm not mad at it. I'm learning more about my body, and the importance of macros. It's just so wonderful. And another huge plus is I get to eat Chipotle every 4 days!!!! eeeek!   

Enjoying: Naps, Quietness in my office, my Gym time, Glides with my frands, Driving into work with a stunning AZ sunrise, and the general AZ weather in February (you can't be mad at it). 

Excited for: PRs!! Deadlifted 250 this month... that is a 25# Personal Record from 2013 (my previous heaviest lift), Cornhole tournaments, Weddings, and The Crossfit Opens!!

Learning: All about Macros, and about getting into college (so many steps, ugh), and about depression and how to help those with it.

Loving: The hype and the inspiration that comes along with the upcoming Crossfit Open, Sunday mornings at church (Cody Deevers has been killin' the sermon game), and the weather. (Did I already say that, lol). 

Reading: The same as last month (I'm a slow reader)... Drums of Autumn (Outlander Series Book 4), and my daily devotional Jesus Calling. I recommend both. Also hoping to pick up a few Crossfit Magazines before vacation.

Thinking: About vacation, gotta get my base tan on. Also thinking about ways to spend more quality time with my babes, teenagers aren't really into Mom time, but I so desperately need it. 

Watching: Still catching up on Game of Thrones, and up to date on Downton Abbey, the Final Season (tear), but also became ridiculously addicted on Netflix to The Great British Baking Show... seriously, I want to watch it all over again. Paul Hollywood is my old bossman, Sig's doppleganger, like legit!

Currently: January



Eating: I'm completely smitten with Ezekiel Cinnamon toast with crunchy peanut butter for breakfast. With the chilling weather we've been having, I made a huge batch of White Chili (a wintertime staple around my house) and tried a new recipe with the produce I got from Fury Farm, some delicious Leek and Sweet Potato Soup

Enjoying: Hot tea in the evenings, working daily on my mobility (something I've decided to dedicate my time to), snuggling and smooching my chunky baby nephew, and listening to Adele's trilogy of albums... I adore her!

Excited for: An unexpected turnaround trip to Laughlin to surprise a friend, more day trips to Flagstaff, to get our bearings before Courtney starts at NAU, and Rush Club 007 to cheer on my friend, Kennedy.

Learning: More about holistic approaches to health. I'm always learning to trust God in all things (not so easy, for someone who likes control), and I'm also learning new skills and techniques in the gym.

Loving: My new crossfit gym and making new friends. Also loving my Arizona Cardinals... big game this weekend. And how could I forget, I am loving the new bench my mom bought me for Chirstmas... it sits at the base of my bed and makes it so much easier to put on my shoes and socks (it's the little things in life). 

Reading: Drums of Autumn (Outlander Series Book 4), and my daily devotional Jesus Calling. I recommend both.

Thinking: About vacation. So much to do before we all leave, this is a big one for all four of us and there is so much preparation. Clothes, money, passports, planning excursions, confirming flights and rooms, etc all for one week of hopeful perfection. Fingers crossed, it will be a vacation to remember.

Watching: Even though we recently got DirecTv, I'm still not glued to my tv. I prefer Netflix and HBO Go, lol. Currently watching Season 7 of Parks and Recreation, and catching up on Game of Thrones with the Hubs (what an exciting show). 


One Little Word : 2016

Can you believe it's here already... 2016... the New Year!!
And you know what that means...
Time to pick this year's One Little Word.

In the past I've chosen words that reflect my intentions for my family, and my position as a mother. Protect, Awareness, Keep, Positivity. This year rings true to much of the same. It might surprise you, it might not. My OLW for 2016 is...

Pray

While this very much could have been the last 6 months of 2015, I've decided to make it my focus for 2016.

Why?

With all that is happening in the world, the death and destruction, the anger and hate, it is a scary time to live.
I'm just one person...with a worldly problem, what can I do to help?
I can pray.

There are so many friends and family members currently being affected by tragic events such as cancer, murder, and suicide.
I'm just one person... with such tragedy, what can I do to help?
I can pray.

Within my immediate family, we have been through troubling and trying times. Times that will test our hearts, letting go of old and swallowing new.
I'm just one person...with more times tested on the horizon, what can I do to help?
I can pray.


In this last year I have been down on my knees talking to God more times that I ever had before. I foresee that will increase as I hope 2016 will find answers and acceptance for so many who surround my world.

My prayer for you... is that you find all the things you so richly deserve in 2016. I pray that you find peace, and love. This might sound general and hallmark'y (yes, I made that up... Jen-ism) but I truly mean it. I want those I love to be deeply grateful for this beautiful life and ultimately happy with the gifts we are given daily. Simple gifts life the sun shining, being able to talk to our parents or siblings, loving our children, food in our bellies.

© something Big is coming...
Maira Gall