I can't believe five years has passed since he passed. And then again, so much has changed in those five years. I feel like it was just last week I got that hysterical call from my mom. Saw my dad be wheeled out to the ambulance, not needing the confirmation of what I already knew. He was gone.
The physical absence of someone important in your life is unbearable.
I have my good days, and my days. Even now, years later. Reluctantly I can say it has gotten easier in the fact that I've been able to better manage the feelings associated with loss. Some days I completely lose it, and I let myself. I'm not perfect. Most days, actually all days, I think about him and about some happy memory I had with him. And then I become so filled with gratefulness that I was afforded that memory. So many are not.
I strive to make him proud, although I know that he was proud of me already. I talk to him often, wishing to hear his voice just one more time tell me he loves me. I miss his hugs. He was the best hugger in the world, always making me feel safe. Thankfully I can still remember his hugs.
On this anniversary of his passing, I'm gonna have a good cry, and remember the good times, and just miss him. I take so much peace in knowing that I will see him again someday, by God's Grace.
Dad, I will be okay. I will continue to strive to become the woman you influenced me to be. I will continue to work hard, to love hard, and to live with passion. Thank you for all that you gave me. Until I see you again, Love you always.