I Did It

I did it!! 

I read the entire Bible in a Year! 

This has been a goal of mine for well over 10 years. Finally, I have done it and I'm proud of myself for doing it, and I'm a better person for it. I'm just so stoked I did it!! 

(With the help of She Reads Truth)

happy friday indeed

Oh my goodness! 

You'll never believe what happened to me! 

I won a contest! 

A Mad Men contest!

For those of you who know me and know me well, can understand my elation!!

The requirement was to submit my favorite Mad Men moment. So difficult to choose from, especially because I loved the relationship between Don and Rachel Menken, but I went with my favorite scene in Season 5 Episode 10, "Christmas Waltz" where Don and Joan have this really special moment. For whatever reason, it just solidified both characters; where they were and where they had both been in life. In the end, no matter what, you'll always have each other, and you'll both be okay. 

Oh happy day!! Hope you are having a wonderful Friday too!

life in movies

I've been spending on awful lot of time doing my personal version of "Netflix and Chill" lol. Thought I'd share the (long) list of movies that have been occupying my life. After all... Sharing is Caring.

thankful.

On the eve of Thanksgiving, I thought I'd share a recent entry from my personal journal. 

October 30, 2015

We leave in the morning for vacation. I can't explain how badly I need this. Stress has become my only emotion the latter part of this year, this week has topped it off, thanks to the ass chewing from not one, but two customers this week. As usual, I am nervous to fly, but have made no attempts to pickle myself in order to gain the liquid courage I've always needed. I'm too exhausted. Body is tired, mind is tired, soul too. In desperate need of rejuvenation. Vacation couldn't have come at a better time. As always, God's timing. 

Sitting here thinking about the reality that this time tomorrow I will be in another country has me feeling deeply and incredibly grateful. I know that there are so many people who work just as hard, if not harder than me and don't get the opportunity to travel, or even to get away... people I know and love. It puts things into perspective. I have so much to be thankful for. 

In today's world and in my own little world, there are so many things happening to people, changing their lives, death, destruction, sickness, poverty. I am just so thankful for everything that I have been blessed with. For my family, people who love me unconditionally even at my worst. I have wonderful beautiful friends who choose to love me, and undoubtedly complete my life. I have a lovely home with hot water and electricity, and a vehicle to drive. I have food in my refrigerator (not much, currently... but so much more than so many). I have a career that I truly love, despite the stress and long hours. I have my health and the ability to be active... something I have taken for granted before, but now have a deep appreciation for it. And of course, my Faith. I would have nothing without that. So grateful indeed. Wow. 

When I wrote this I remember feeling as if my heart was so full it would explode at any moment. That is such an incredible feeling to have and I wish it for everyone, especially my loved ones. I still feel that gratitude in my heart, and I try daily to keep it with me, thanking God for all the blessings he has given me, when there are people dying of disease and famine, people with no shelter, no warm clothes in the cold weather, people in abusive homes, people with dark demons and addictions. 

Struggling daily watching my aunt battle cancer has changed my world, not that my world didn't change when my dad had cancer, but this is different. I spend my every day with her, she is apart of my life more than many. Every day is a gift, every good day is a miracle, every smile is a treasure. 

Yes, I have so much to be grateful for, so many blessings. Even you.

I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving, and may you count all of your blessings as well. 

 

five years

I can't believe five years has passed since he passed. And then again, so much has changed in those five years. I feel like it was just last week I got that hysterical call from my mom. Saw my dad be wheeled out to the ambulance, not needing the confirmation of what I already knew. He was gone. 

The physical absence of someone important in your life is unbearable. 

I have my good days, and my days. Even now, years later. Reluctantly I can say it has gotten easier in the fact that I've been able to better manage the feelings associated with loss. Some days I completely lose it, and I let myself. I'm not perfect. Most days, actually all days, I think about him and about some happy memory I had with him. And then I become so filled with gratefulness that I was afforded that memory. So many are not. 

I strive to make him proud, although I know that he was proud of me already. I talk to him often, wishing to hear his voice just one more time tell me he loves me. I miss his hugs. He was the best hugger in the world, always making me feel safe. Thankfully I can still remember his hugs.

On this anniversary of his passing, I'm gonna have a good cry, and remember the good times, and just miss him. I take so much peace in knowing that I will see him again someday, by God's Grace. 

Dad, I will be okay. I will continue to strive to become the woman you influenced me to be. I will continue to work hard, to love hard, and to live with passion. Thank you for all that you gave me. Until I see you again, Love you always. 

...more of the big C...

Meet my Aunt Kelly.

Well, she's not my aunt by blood. She is the hubs aunt (by blood) but more than family, she is my boss, and she is my best friend.

Over the last 16+ years I have spent nearly all my days and countless hours with this lady. She is the ying to my yang, the salt to my pepper, the beavis to my butthead.

Kelly has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Signet Cell Cancer.

Quite literally, this happened in a matter of weeks. She went into her primary as a once-over before starting a monitored diet. What started off as a small sharp pain in her lower abdomen has (after every blood test, scan, and outpatient medical procedure necessary) come back as Cancer.

Stupid, ugly, life-altering Cancer. 

It has been a whirlwind of emotions for everyone involved. For me personally, I vacillate from pure anger to complete positivity to absolute terror. And of course, there is the hashing up from Dad's fight with Cancer. It is truly so much to deal with, and so much to take in and process out, my feelings, my emotions, even my physical reactions... it's all so crazy. 

I think I might turn back to blogging. Mainly because it's just easier for me to write out my feelings, especially in difficult and trying times. Wonder why that is... I tend to catalog the good things and positive things in my life through photographs (like the one above... that was just a fun Friday night dinner with Jeff and Kelly), but the negative feelings I turn towards words and writings. Interesting...

Well, not sure anyone is still here reading (hi Mom, I know you're always there, lol). 

Stay tuned