they say it's your birthday

Yep. This this the face of a 31 year old lady who's first year into her 30s was not exactly what I would consider 'kind' or 'easy' but would consider 'long' and 'trying'. But.... at least I've made it here!

I didn't want to celebrate this day. I've actually been kind of dreading it. (Gasp) I know, I know... the princess of all parties didn't want a celebration.... too hard to believe. But given the fact that this is the first birthday with Daddy gone, and Mom is away at a wedding, and all I keep doing is replaying my last years birthday, the two minutes it took me to read my Mom and Dad's card and look over my left shoulder with tears in my eyes and see Daddy sitting there smiling.... yeah, I didn't want to celebrate this year.
But, it is my birthday, and truly an accomplishment for surviving the past year of my life.

I got to wake up to this. A new coffee maker (one that I have been lusting over since my Mom got one a few months back), beautiful Sunflowers (my favorite), and a new Gym bag (super excited about this, much needed as I've been stuffing two pairs of shoes, two changes of clothes, iPod and accessories into a Jansport backpack). I received a handful of sweet cards, a few other small things, and some serious birthday love via Facebook and text messages. (I really do feel the love). We headed out to my new favorite breakfast place, The Good Egg, so I could mow down on some Whole Wheat Pancakes with Protein Powder, Flax Seed, and Blueberries (all mixed into the batter) with real Vermont Maple Syrup, a side of Turkey Sausage and an iced vanilla-flavored coffee. (This is how Yum is defined in my book). We had to run to Wally World and Frys Marketplace for a handful of necessities, then we headed down to IKEA to browse around and get inspired (getting ready to redecorate Bubba's room.... and now perhaps just about every other room in the house, lol). We just got back and the hubs is grilling up some chicken for din-din. Later we'll head over to Twisted Cultures for some fro-yo (yep, I'm spoiling myself with some Cake Batter fro-yo and loading up the toppings, hehe). 

My day has pretty much been all about low key. I don't want a big fuss, I don't want lavish dinners and endless gifts (I realize as I'm typing this that none of it sounds like me). No quick movements. lol. I just want the day to move by, like every other day, except taking note that 31 years ago today I was rushing myself into this world and into the lives of two amazing people who loved each other so incredibly much that they're love just had to multiply. 'Didn't we always say we were the lucky ones'. My sister and I were incredibly lucky. So many others didn't survive, God needed them with him, but he gave my sister and I to our parents, and likewise gave our parents to us. I stop and breathe and recognize that today. 
I am so grateful.
To God, for creating me, for allowing me to be born and breathe and live with free will. So amazing.
To my parents, for guiding me through this life, teaching me the big things and smallest things, and loving me with everything they have and everything that they are. 
To my husband (aka the hubs) for putting up with me this past year, during the chest pains and sudden bursts of tears (today was only three times so far, lol), for my 'I need five minutes' moments, for taking care of things that I fell short on (not a short joke hunny, lol), and for sticking around through all of that all the while still loving me. 
To my kids (aka the chit-lins) for being the light in my life on the darkest of days, for bringing me joy (and even stress) but most of all for the enormous amount of love they give me, every day.
To my friends and family, for listening (always listening) and encouraging me, and keeping me strong and giving me their love; I truly am surrounded by some of the best people in this entire world and for that I am incredibly grateful that they choose to be in my life and apart of me. 

Waterworks over here. lol. I really am happy today. My heart is wide open, it still aches with pain of loss, but is warm with love from all those who surround me. Even you, oh dear blog reader.... you fill my heart too!

Happy Birthday to Me... and Cheers to another (hopefully better) year... bring on number 32! hehe


Gina said...

Ok, I've got tears in my eyes here. Such a sweet post!

Happy Birthday to you, once again. Sending lots of happy vibes & love your way....

Carrie Rosalind said...

Happy birthday Jen!! Lying in bed with my mom right now (we're on vacation) and I just read this post out loud to her. We both send you big birthday wishes! Glad you had a good day! :) xoxo

Tiffany said...

Happy Happy Birthday beautiful Jen! Enjoy it! I know it is not the same without your dad but he is celebrating with you!
Thinking of you!!

Anonymous said...

Awww, Happy Birthday, even though i'm a little late. You are awesome!

{andthisiswhatshesaid} said...

Your gorgeous!!

© something Big is coming...
Maira Gall