two months

I can hardly believe it's been two months today. I play that morning over and over in my head daily. I cry. I get angry (like really angry). I become so numb that my brain buzzes continuously. My body radiates with physical pain because I miss him SO Much! It's insane.
On the plus side, the 'harder days' aren't every day. I've been able to smile, and laugh. Having friends and family around helps.
I have plans to join some grief counseling soon. I think it will help.

I really don't know what else to say. I knew today would come, just like I know like the three month mark will come, and the holidays will come. I have no idea how we will get through the holidays. It feels like I've forgotten how to 'celebrate'. What a terrible feeling. But I know that Daddy would be saying to 'do-it-up' for the kids. The holidays are all about the kids. That will be my focus.

Today I'm just trying to take it easy. Stay to myself.
I am grateful to have a chiropractic visit today.
I am grateful to have my kids to myself today (instead of having my sisters kids as well).
I am grateful that I have so many people who love me, and who are praying for me and my family.

Tomorrow will be a better day. I hope to be stronger. To be happier. To be livelier. 


Lehua said...

My heart goes out to you. We've both gone through such similar events in our lives around the same time.

Just keep remembering all the great memories and know that though he may not be here physically, his life and journey lives on through you.

Nothing makes the pain go away, and I know it does not get easier as the days go by. But love him unconditionally and always remember he loved you too.


Miss Haley. said...

i love you lots & lots.
remember that :)

Jamie said...

Praying for you daily, my dear friend! If I could, I'd hop a plane and come over and help you take care of those precious kids (& give you a break!) and have some girly nites with you. Miss you so much and am sending you a great big boobie-smashing hug right now! Love you so much! xoxo

Tiffany said...

Thinking of you Jen! I really think the grief counseling was a great help for me. The first group we were all timid and sad and unsure a bit but after just a few times we were all able to talk about our loved ones, share memories, laugh and enjoy and celebrate their lives. We let balloons go on the last day of the group and it was really great.
Friday will have been 15 months for me and there is not a minute that goes by that I don't think of my mom. But I don't focus on the last few weeks when she was sick, now I can focus on her life and everything that she meant to me.
Sending you a big hug!
Let's talk soon!
Love, Tiffany

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Maira Gall