before Crossfit

Friday. August 24, 2012.
I have made a commitment to my husband, and to myself that I am going to try Crossfit. This is something that has become very near and dear to my husband, given that his father is very much alive today because of Crossfit and the wonderful community within it.

I want to Crossfit. Really, I do. But I can honestly say that right now, at this very moment... I Do Not have the confidence. I am scared. I am nervous. I am afraid.

The Pros.
I want to Crossfit to be fit.
I want to Crossfit to be the strongest I can be.
I want to Crossfit to challenge myself, physically and mentally.
I want to Crossfit because I know and love the community within it.
I want to Crossfit to honor my Dad's memory.
I want to Crossfit to make my husband and my father in law proud of me.
I want to Crossfit to make me proud of myself.
I want to Crossfit because there are so many people who overcome much more of life's hurdles than just fear.
I want to Crossfit to be the best I can be.

The Cons.
I'm scared that I won't be able to mentally challenge myself.
I'm scared to give up.
I'm afraid of injury.
I'm nervous to meet new people.
I'm nervous to work out with my husband. (In my eyes, he's a beast, and quite intimidating in the gym, lol).
I'm shy.
I don't want to let anyone down. Especially myself.

Regardless of all these conflicting feelings, here I sit... nearly 5 hours from my committed time to show up at Urban Warfit. I'm Day One into Aunt Flows visit (which I would normally use as an excuse to skip the gym). My body racks with fear every 20 minutes or so, I feel the blood drain from my face and my ears ring high pitch while my tummy is in knots and somersaults while trying to decide if it should empty its contents here and now or while at the gym during the workout. (How ultimately embarrassing).
But I have made a commitment. To my man, and to myself. The hubs will be there. He assures me the coaches goals are not to chew me up and spit me out, nor embarrass the poo out of me (except for when I have to introduce myself, ugh to public speaking). We have chosen to go to the late Friday class because statistically these are the smallest classes (you mean CF beasts skip a WOD to go out on a Friday Night?). My sweet husband has tried to put me in the best possible position for what is in store for me at the start of this hopefully-not-to-short journey into Crossfit.

It is my intention to give it my all. 100 percent.
It is my intention to show my coach, my husband, and myself that I have that small glimmer of possibility and am not a total loss in the Crossfit world.
It is my intention to enjoy the process. There is so much to learn, both physically and mentally and this is what I crave (and yet, what I fear).
It is my intention to commit myself to this life and to redefine myself, mind body and soul.

Here goes. Wish me luck. And by this time tomorrow I pray for the intensity and excitement for this sport that I so badly want to be apart of.